I hear you.

It may be understandable if he says something off when he is in severe pain himself. Been there, done that myself ! When I think of the times I SREAMED at kids about something that was actually minor.......on top of severe pain, whatever they were doing just put me over the edge. Not proud mommy moments for me......BUT.......I DO apoplogize afterwards.

I explain that I overreacted because I was in pain and that I will try to do better. I ask them to work with me on respecting when I tell them something and warn them that I am in pain (ie....."Guys, you shouldn't throw the football around in the house. I understand that Dad laughing at you throwing the ball around sometimes could lead you to believe that's okay for you to do it. It's not okay with me when you do that. I feel angry and disrespected when you do that. When you throw the ball and it hits me and makes my pain worse, I actually lose control for a bit. It's not good parenting for me to scream, "Give me the f'n ball. How f'n stupid can you be ? I'm going to throw away every ball in this house !!!!" I'm sorry that I said it that way. I do need you to understand that you DO have to listen to house rules. That's something EVERY kid has to deal with. You have extra rules about trying to be careful not to bump into me and sometimes bringing me my medicine or a drink. Yup, that's something every kid doesn't have to deal with and it can be hard. I don't like it either. I'd prefer things were easier too.")

I could forgive a boyfriend if he said something off because he was in pain IF I got some kind of reasonable explanation/apology after the fact.

I could understand if he 'admitted' that he felt guilty because you used to be able to help him when he needed things and he appreciated it and came to depend on it, so he has had some selfish feelings about missing that treatment and maybe subconsciously being 'mad' at you for that. I could move forward if he followed that up by saying that he understood those were selfish thoughts and he wants to be there for you to support you. Maybe add a joke that this could make you a stronger couple because you both "get" it about dealing with chronic pain. Your bf doesn't seem to be following through with that part.

Because you are in a tough financial spot and living in his place, I would really try to focus on just keeping things civil with him, keeping the status quo while you are trying to get adequate treatment for your RSD. Long term, losing the loser will help your stress levels, but right now I think you should just focus on your dd, getting through the holidays and trying to manage your pain. Having a big breakup scene, having to move, not having the money to get another place would all just ADD stress now. That makes pain WORSE.