Biggest fear right now: being forced back to work before I'm ready. And trust me, I'm not ready at all. I have every symptom I've had since injury, some new ones, like the verbal processing delays, are very pronounced on "bad" days.


I see my GP (is that a Canadian term only? Forgive me please... ) "doctor" on January 3rd.


For reassessment. This scares me senseless. I'll explain.


Not sure how it works in other parts of the world but in Canada when you're hurt at work you file a claim with the Workers Compensation Board, (WCB) which covers 90% of your wage loss while recovering.


Like any insurance provider, they are great until you cost them too much. They send a TON of forms which are difficult for me to process and I usually end up crying. They rely on doctors recommendations via.... what else... A form.


I've been off 7 weeks. Their patience is tested. Last week my WCB case worker was very harsh and said, well it's JUST POST CONCUSSION SYNDROME, your concussion is OVER, so if your doctor won't let you return to AT LEAST modified duties, we will initiate an independent assessment. Then OUR doctors will decide your case.


Sounds fair.... And foreboding. After all why would a doctor hired by WCB ever have dirty hands? (My sarcasm is apparently uninjured)


The constant appointments, the forms, the phone calls, they all exhaust me and I get frustrated that I'm being "rushed along" by the very establishment causing the setbacks.


I'm thankful for the wage coverage. I am. I try to focus on that and tell myself I'm certainly earning it.


I'm scared beyond words of facing my work environment again. It's a casino. Ever been to a quiet unflashy one??? Lol... I love my career, I love marketing, I love giving away cars to a massive excited crowd or throwing concerts in the huge theatre at work but whaaaaaat, no WAY can I tolerate this in a mere 17 days.


17 days that include the HOLIDAY SEASON, no less. Always restful.


So do I get to decide to leave the job I was born to do? So that, as my case worker said, I can "AT LEAST DO PAPERWORK?" Should a fall at work ruin a career?


I am dreading the third of January. Anyone else relate? Looking for platitudes even... I'll take anything at this point. Scared and powerless.


-Rri