Hello Butterfly,I would like to say welcome,we will help in any way that we can,suiside is never easy for anyone to deal with but you have come to the right place for caring,understanding,and just to listin if thats what you need,I lost my middle son in 2002, and I also herd him,he would be calling for me to come help him that he is hert and needs meI know that it is difacult to be happy and jolly at sertin time of the year,I do hope that you will be able to have a nice holliday season,we are always here for you katmae