I am new to the forums, but just a thought. You talked about being religious in the past. It sounds like something might have happened to pull you away from maybe being involved with a church. It sounds like something is missing in your heart that makes you feel alone. You don't have to go to church to have peace with God. Try using the time when you are down or don't feel productive to just talk to God, one on one. You have nothing to lose. It sounds like he gave you purpose before. Your relationship with him is yours, he really does give our heart peace and love. I also love watching Joel Osteen on TV he has such a positive outlook on life.