Hello all, hope you had a good Christmas and New Year.

It's been 9 months post concussion and I've been slowly trying to ease myself back into doing things I would normally do. I'm reading a book (it's a history book so no plot involved) and after 3 months I'm on the 200th page. I'm also trying to work my way through a maths book to prepare me for the degree I eventually want to do.

But I'm really struggling. Each time I sit down to read ten pages, I read the sentences over and over and they just don't sink in. It's like somebody saying something to you over and over but not hearing them, despite the fact they're perfectly audible. I haven't really read 200 pages at all; I have just looked at them. And as for the maths, I lose track of what I'm doing in almost every step of the equation so it's ultimately a giant waste of time.

Then, after each book/study "session" I become restless, with a feeling of being zipped on caffeine but exhausted by sleeping pills. I can't think properly and can't focus on anything. I can't even listen to the radio or watch TV. Sometimes I find myself "tapping" almost involuntarily, as if I have some sort of pent up energy. It's an awful feeling.

I so badly want to get back to doing the things I used to do but I seem to get knocked back on every occasion. I spent New Year in the countryside so went for a walk in a field with a friend. One of those dizzying, thumping headaches came over me from the exertion and I collapsed in the mud, unable to get up for several minutes.

I'm trying really, really hard. What if it's always going to be like this? I'll never be able to go walking, I'll never get my degree or work again. When's it going to get better? Should I bother with any of it? Am I doing more harm than good?