How can one know the depths of the mind
of the bearer of torment?
God can
I saw
my family knew
but surviving as all crumbled around us
to rubble
was so much for them to handle
it was
me and God
God and me
I HAD TO YIELD
anything else was
selfishness on my part.
Might you have known as his mother?
Possibly.
The hands were his though
and he had to be willing to yield
as I had to be willing to yield
[oh God, the tears are streaming down my face right now]
surrendering that within me which would scream
I hold the key to my life
was the means to deliver my spirit unto God
for until that moment
although I had "practiced" faith and love and charity
it was hollow and meaningless without complete surrender
I
had to give it up
my life definitely in the firm grasp of God now
the balm for my soul
which could allow
God's great work of healing
within this shattered being
Selfishness
had to go.
You were not responsible for your son
yes you loved and still love him immeasurably
yet, the surrender of soul had to come
from within him
a choice you could not make for him
just as my beloved wife
could not make the choice for me.
Probably more than anything
necessary to healing for we who remain
is a sense of forgiveness
to those who went before
by their own hand
for in selfishness
they brought temporary pain to conclusion
in a way which deprived others of the blessing
of knowing how survival might shape
the heart
the spirit
freeing LOVE
to be expressed boundlessly.
Oh, that we might all be able to forgive
those who willfully departed
so healing might overwhelm us
the ache of absence will not depart
but the wholeness which comes through forgiveness
will swell hearts to overflowing
so we may move forward.

Now if we can only help
those who are tempted
to examine selfishness
to abandon self pride
to grasp the almighty
who is the means to everlasting joy
we may have the blessing of
aiding still another
who should avoid
the very decision
with which the deceiver
had me wrestling
in that oh so lonely
dark
place
of life.

I choose life
through Christ
who enables me.

Loving all of you,
Mark56