Peter,

Your anxiety is killing you. Expecting and even desiring to return to normal sets your thinking on the wrong path. Your generation has unfortunately been taught to expect everything to go your way. Life just is not like that. There are ups and downs and all sorts of interruptions to ones plans for life. Those that learn to accept this are much more capable of having a full and successful life.

If you are having a good day, that is just one day. When you have 14 good days in a row, that is a positive trend worth considering. The brain needs these 14 good days in a row to heal. The ups and downs are not conducive to healing. You need to learn to recognize the activities and other triggers for your relapses. Then, avoid them until you have experienced a 2 week good spell. Even then, just add one episode of a trigger activity to see how you respond.

Recovery is not a sprint. It is a marathon. A marathon of effort to prevent relapses.

Those who learn how to run this marathon do quite well. Some try other ways for a long time before they learn to run the marathon. The sooner you accept the need to run this recovery as a marathon, the sooner you will start to see lasting improvement.

The fact that you need reassurance shows your propensity for anxiety. Getting help to deal with your anxiety will be a big help.

My best to you.