Dear KnittenKitten,

Your cat is family.

not everyone feels that way about their "pets" - those that do not, also do not feel the angst and grief you are feeling. but these people also miss out on the sweetness in the relationship you have with your cat. you have nothing to envy of them.

our cats were family members to us also. we had one cat in particular that was with us her entire life. losing her to cancer was heartwrenching.

as you point out, your hospice patients and those you assist are not family or close friends, even if you come to know them after a time. furthermore, you come into their situations as a care-giver, and their condition is one of the terms from the get-go. that is a whole other kettle of fish.

~ ~ ~ ~

as for the pills, well i think you are a highly sensitive person. that is a package deal. good things and bad things both affect us in a stronger way, than those who are less sensitive. we are able to have more empathy. this aspect is a gift. what you are going through now is, if you will, the burdenful aspect.

when we face the burdens of our sensitivity, as you are now, it is ok to use tools to help. tools range from meditation to medication. you are not less of a person for using these tools. everyone uses tools to help them. and not just highly sensitive people. less sensitive people have different problems, and accordingly use different tools. they are not "better" than you.

~ ~ ~ ~

i think it is fine to imagine getting another cat. you can even consider those thoughts a tool to help you feel better. a sort of guided meditation. if this cat should not make it, you would be "available" to adopt another cat, who might not otherwise have a family. accept the comfort from that thought. it's ok. you are not hurting your cat with these thoughts, nor loving her any less.

you will never replace this cat. and i really hope they figure out what is wrong and that she recovers. do you think it is possible she is depressed? animals do undergo emotional stress, and can have dysthymic episodes. depression could explain the loss of appetite. it is also something that can be helped!

many healing vibes to your dear cat, and gentle (((hugs))) to you, KnittenKitten.

~ waves ~