Originally Posted by Burntmarshmallow

i guess I am thinking way to much . I DID stop her ...two different times I called her and she was like how did you know to call and i was like its not time you have to make sure you have taken care of things and she held off both time. i mean she was in the first step and i got her to stop. but this last time when she sent the sign it was time ...I said i loved her more then she can ever know I shut up and let her go about her plan . and when i look from another point of view the crying and stuff at her service and crying now and the missing I suppose either way its a lose lose situation and in the long run her family would of been crying and missing her each day she slipped deeper into alzheimer's and i too right along side them . she did spare us and broken hearts would be broken whether she did or didnt end her life. maybe her way was easier. I get "signs" from her allot. her spirit and i know she is in a better place and she is a big spirit an angel free from earthly skins. I am good on that. it is those left behind.. and you know spot on what i mean when i say those left behind. I want to take their sadness away I want my sadness and unworthiness to go away. I told her about Nikki and ALL the issues Nikki has . and she told me ha ya know she told me Nikki needs a friend like you everyone needs a friend like you teenie beanie . but I dont feel it. I I just want my best friend back healthy and illness free. I am SO CONFUSED . and someday soon i know they will both meet in the great beyond .I am scared to tell nikki what I want to say . but I will cus I am a warrior and warriors do things even if they dont like doing it. so I have a letter to write soon to nikki. and pray for spring to come.
no one is allowed to call me teenie beanie here or anywhere btw it was her name for me and no one else can use that name only her.