I think I need some self reflection . I honestly do NOT feel suicidal and do not feel like hurting myself or anything like that. I am just very sad and confused . Koala No i haven't really posted here about this before. I have been afraid to because I most always post in the t.n. forum but have stopped going in there and really havent wanted my t.n. friends finding me in here finding me weak and all that. ya know ? weird sure but I have never claimed to NOT be weird. I need to look back not on this one thing or just her but everything . surely there is something in my past lessons to "grow from" or learn from. so self reflection . thank you to each of you for being here listening and helping.