Angee,

Welcome to NeuroTalk. Sorry to hear of you and your fiance's struggles.

I know others with similar TBI disabilities. It sounds to me like he should not be working full time nor taking on the level of responsibilities he is trying to take on. Those I know with similar disabilities are on lifetime disability as am I. When your kids are older and entering puberty/ terrible teens, there may very likely be too much stress in the household.

Have you experienced him having violent outbursts yet? I suspect they are coming. He is long past healing. Now, he should be focused on coping and accommodations. Does he have a Rehab Psychologist or NeuroPsychologist that you both could meet with? You need to understand what can still change/improve and what will only deteriorate as he endures stress.

His neuro's direction for him to nap to reboot sounds like it should have been carved in stone or his forehead. As much as I like to see TBI survivors return to a full life, it sounds like you are just starting to see him struggle. If he can work part time and continue to receive his disability, that might be as good as it gets.

The sexual impulsiveness may be a part of 'rigidity of thought' common to TBI. He may be able to learn some ways to moderate this but will likely need professional help to do so. I have seen similar behaviors in people in my TBI support group. Does he participate in a TBI Support Group? It sounds like you need to meet other TBI caregivers at a TBI Support Group. You need to know that you are a TBI Caregiver, even if he appears to be able to live independently.

I am confused and trying to understand. If he was working part time taking care of his own house and bills for many years, why has his financial burden increased so much with you working two jobs? Did you bring debt to the relationship? He likely needs to not have debt to worry about. It is like a dripping faucet. It will peck at his brain and exhaust him. I don't mean to pry but do feel a need to tell you about the triggers that will not be good for him.

Please don't feel attacked or intimidated. You did the right thing by coming to NT to ask these important questions. I suggest you read my thread Vitamin Regimen. It has some good online resources at the bottom of the post that you should check out.

I believe that if you can find the level of stress/activity he can tolerate and be disciplined to stay within those limits, a TBI person who understands their limits and has a good support structure can have a successful family life. But, it will take a serious commitment of support and sacrifice. Your kids may love their new dad but he will not be able to keep up with their desires as they grow up. Having a plan to deal with this will be important.

The few dads can tell you of their struggles.

btw, How old is he?

Hang in there and check out the links I mentioned.

My best to you.