Nick,

Hi, guy.

I am sorry you sound so angry. So distraught. So at your wits end. I can feel with you, you pain and anguish.

I cannot identify with you though, as I have followed your plight awhile, and noticed one thing.........you have not slowed down, you have not stopped, you have not trully rested. And, I know you have tried, but you have many many things in your life driving you, especially the little one, and your love of that child.

Mokey has a good point with music though........find something soothing. Get away from that small screen straining, or forget the screen and just use the phone as your connection and get earphones and listen quietly to something soothing.

I personally like Yanni's stuff:

Nostalgia

- or -
-some Bach :

Well Tempered Clavier - Bach

There is much available on You-Tube for a quick quiet time - I don't own a cell-phone so can't explain how you would access or setup a playlist, but relaxing in the dark with earphones and just you is a wonderful cleansing experience.

But, nothing will begin until you actually do REST you BRAIN. Read back thru the threads on Yoga, breathing, etc. find something that helps you cleanse you, and relax............ you won't be worth anything to ANYONE until you do.

Let yourself be happy, let yourself be sad, its ok, its actually expected.

Cry when you need to; laugh when you want to - its really needed.

Live your future, not your past.

Best wishes, guy.

Hug that little person with all your heart.