I used to be selfless and do more for others than my own self. Until I broke down at the end of 2011 and told everyone that I can no longer help them. It was hard on everyone, including myself, because a lot of people relied on me. My mom needed me to take my sister (who was pregnant at the time) to her doctor appointments, my kids and my girlfriend needed me to run errands for them plus I had my own doctor appointments and errands to run. It became too much and I finally admitted defeat. At first my mom didn't understand but now she does. My girlfriend is BARELY starting to notice I'm not the same person I was and she's somewhat beginning to understand.

You pretty much explained me, how I used to be, when you described how you help others more than yourself.

My mom is the only "familial" support that I have. It's hard for her to help out because she works full time and takes care of my three younger siblings. I have other family out here but I'm not that close to them.

No support groups but I plan on attending one soon. I just have so much trouble organizing my thoughts and expressing how I feel. It would be really hard for me to open up. I'm also overloaded by a room full of people. I will probably try it next month and see what happens.

Thanks to those who gave suggestions on music. After venting on here through this post (and to someone who I will call "mom" through a PM), listening to the suggested music while quietly laying in bed and meditating, I suddenly broke free from my cognitive torture and was able to spend a peaceful hour with my girlfriend and son.

So, thank you all for your support.

Nick