I remember one thing I told a patient of mine who was having a very difficult time with his new diagnosis of cancer and trying so hard to hold it all in. I told him that emotions are a gift from God and by not allowing yourself that gift you are not letting God give you a blessing. Crying is so cleansing. Yes, the death of a loved one is one of the most difficult things we have to go through and you have every right to cry. Try to remember every day something good that she did and eventually you will stop crying.