Steve I am in total shock, on top of everything else, more heart ache. But, please don't burden your self that there was any way to prevent his actions. We feel it could have made a difference in their life but realistically there would be nothing one can say or do for their friend other then drive them to an inpatient place if requesting a ride.

I had such guilt because a forum friend would call me daily and the conversation was often how low he was and what method or how he was planning to harm himself.

All I could do is contact our mutual Heath care provider, his wife and over and over tell him he had two boys and wife hat would be devestated if he choose to leave.

He stopped discussing but still kept planning. In the end he purchased two highly lethal chemicals that when mixed to gather robbed of oxygen. After picking them up he had a fatal accident when over come by he fumes.

I know he never would have put others in harm. I think he wanted a choice, but fate interveined. We all thought that he stopped discussing with us his plans that life with pain was stronger then his s on's losing him. Really messed up, but we lost him.

A shock, I still miss him so bad. He sat with me at De's funeral, it meant so much to me he was there. More then anything because my own siblings were not there.

I felt terrible when I lost him that my training, life experience, strength would have made him see how fleeting and precious life is. I should have taken every single call no matter how much I grief I was in, I was his friend. But, it was never in my hands. The pain robbed him of all judgement.

Mark had terrible pain, became easily dependent on narcotics seeking them. Life became too hard to face and the action he took seemed his only escape. I still wish I could have helped, that I could read his emails, hear the phone ring and see his no. on the ID.
Your friend is in God's hands now, I will pray for his family and friends that will question and wish things were not so.

The two things being depressed and in horrible pain are a struggle for the strongest people.
It seems I have terrible anxiety over the permanence of death, I can't imagine leaving a moment sooner then I have too.

Sorry if I rattle on, just thinking of my friend and still have no way to grasp what happened.
We love you Steve, I am sending my prayers to hold you in God's love and grace to get brought this period of trials.
Turn to how strong your sister is fighting and coming home for you. She has improved so much, I am happy for your family to have her growing in her baby steps to be here with you all for the love.

Di