Omigosh Erika
I am not sure exactly what to say.....you have some answers, but the cost to you is pretty huge.
I'm so sorry - I guess that is the logical consequence for many, and although we should all mentally prepare for it, I imagine it is a slap when it comes.
My thoughts, prayers and all of those good things are with you. I guess it is inevitable to visit that 'dark place' - but please don't stay too long. I miss bright and sunny Erika and look forward to seeing you back when you are ready.....but not before (you have lots to process).
Lyn
xox