Ms Rrio,

I hear you loud and clear. It is okay to feel depressed and hopeless and forever changed. Living in constant pain and suffering does something to a person. Depression is normal. You are a human being. We are all the same really. In this situation we are all acting the same. We all feel this way. We all express exactly all the things you are saying. I so relate to every word you said and you certainly did not alienate me. In fact, I consider you a friend. I have appreciated your input and your honest expression of your pain.
I am afraid you are right about being forever changed (although you still have some hope you are early in recovery) that being said I know. I was terminated from my job. I could no longer do it. All my friends turned their backs too. I am not any fun for them anymore. The thing about you being responsible for your husband if he haves another heart attack because of the stress your adding is totally wrong though. What about the stress his heart condition has put on you? Why is he allowed to have a health condition but not you. The fact is that you now both have health conditions that are going to change your life. My life is completely different but it is still a life. I am still adjusting but in some ways I like myself more now. I am much more compassionate and considerate of others, I have found an inner strength I did not know I possessed and am impressed with. I don't expect so much from myself or others and it has given me a weird sort of inner peace that is hard to explain. My dad is terribly sick with Parkinson's disease with dementia or shy dragers (they don't know which one it is) but guess who is helping him the most? That's right me. I have showed him how to laugh about the memory problems and have been a comfort to my mom. I have had problems for so long I have actually been able to support them in ways that people who don't understand cannot. I want you to know you are going to be ok. Different yes. Different life yes. Different job or maybe you may have to get on disability. You still have a life though. Changes are hard. I know you are strong enough to adjust and bend with the wind. You have a friend in me and support anytime. God knows I go through the same thing all the time. I am here if you need me. Love to you. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself.