Wow, I get you, I get it. I had a great career as an officer in the Marines. I was promoting ahead of my peers due to my record. I had high vis jobs with very senior officers at the Pentagon. I feel that I have descended to the very bottom if intelligence. My doctors say that well, "you have had a brain injury." The high tempo of working and keeping all facets of my life in life and running like a well oiled machine, being extremely fit, going going all the time is how I maintained. Now, I can't to that, not any part of it. I volunteer at a national park where I am not on anyone's time schedule, if I can't work, I don't. Being outside is really good for me. I volunteer in the maintenance department and do things that I can see the results of; cutting up downed trees, stacking wood, leaf blowing etc....I totally identified with the USMC, that was my life. My doctor said "jump and the net will appear" well, I guess it has. Acceptance has been the hardest part but I am making progress.

I think I avoid people at all cost because it don't want the pleasantries. I don't want to be asked how my appt went. The thing that makes me soooooo ****** is when my friend texts me and says "keep smiling" I so want to tell him to F-off but I realize that may be his discomfort with my situation. I find that to be true with with a lot of former friends. When people don't know how to react to something, they don't. My little sister got married and moved to Germany, I had my accident and she came home. I was my moms Lamaze coach for her and we have always been very close. Not anymore. That isn't me, it is how she is dealing with it.

In my darkest days I feel like they will never get better and they do. On my good days, I forget how bad it can get, and it does. Tat is just the way it goes.

Thanks for your post.