So sorry to hear about your friend. I lost a good friend of mine last year. I no your hurting and i wish I could say few words to make the pain go away but thats not how it goes. I found if helpful to talk bout my friend. I would find a quiet room and talk to my him. I asked him why he did it, what could I have done, what could ANYONE have done. I asked him all the questions I had.Helped me to say them out loud. Talk to other friends. It helped me.hope its some help to you. Stay strong.