I'm so sorry Brokenfriend, you have really been through a lot lately.

I'd like to recommend a wonderful book by Martha Whitmore Hickman. It's "Healing After Loss, Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief." The author really "gets it" and it's a book you can pick up and start on any page.

It was recommended to me by another survivor and I still refer to it occasionally. This grief journey is a long one and yours is compounded by the loss of your dad...doesn't matter that he lived those many years..it still hurts.

Please know that you are not alone.