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Justice · 05-07-2007, 12:25 PM

I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread.I'm too young to be terminally ill,and I want my Dad back! My little Prince,he's my puppy,is the thread that is keeping me going.Last wednesday my Medical Dr.gave up on trying to figure out what is causing my passing out episodes,and my chronic low grade fever.He had me on a heart monitor for 2 weeks,and the results of the test came back fine,the chest x-ray came back just as he expected with my COPD,and my blood work was better than before.So he decided to blame the passing out and fever on my psychiatric medication,and referred me to my Psychiatrist! I got a second opinion,and that doctor said,he was wrong! But my doctor won't budge,the other Doctor said I need to be seen by a Pulmonologist for tests,but my doctor won't give me the referral that my insurance requires! It makes me feel like,if everyone else doesn't feel like I'm worthy of getting better,or the proper care,then,why should I try so hard to fight it.But my answer to that question is that,none of that is my puppy's fault,why should he have to pay for it,by losing me?I love my little Prince more than life itself,and I couldn't abandon him for anything,I know what that feels like,way too much! But my family wants me gone,and I've been too sick since I moved to this state to make any real friends but one!Well,that 1 friend is moving out of state on June 4th! I only came to this cursed state to help my Dad before he passed away in the end of 2005! I really miss him,but I know he's watching over me.I'm just so scared of this illness that is slowly killing me,and with my Doctor giving up,it's just going to make it more painful,and speed up the process,and I'm terrified! I need just some words of comfort or advice,on how to live like this,and not be so afraid.Maybe somebody out there has the same illness,COPD,I've had it untreated for almost 10 years,and I'm only 33 years old! Does anybody understand how It feels!