Annie, I am so sorry you are feeling down. But don't apologize for it. You have been everyone's strength. But you have earned a much deserved rest now, but don't quit. You are much more than this disease and a very formidable woman.

Life is all about balance and this disease has robbed our life of that balance. We are so exhausted in trying to manage every day simple tasks that there is no time or energy left for any enjoyment.

I can't coach you on any medical alternatives. But my suggestion to you would be to try and make room in some limited way to put back into your life the things you like doing. For me I love poetry, flowers and quilting. So I record quilting shows on the TV to watch them, and search for quilt patterns on the internet. Who knows if I will ever be able to sew a quilt again but I enjoy looking at them. I watch the travel show to places I will never go and gardening show although I cannot garden anymore. I treat myself to chocolate ice cream every night! I have always been a very spiritual person and I do believe it gives me the strength to hang-on.

Like many of us here, I have been to hell and back a few times in my life so I am quite familiar with the trip, but the journey is getting tiresome. I do not expect life to get better, I just pray it won't get worse.

As for why I keep hoping and trying, I think of the poem by G. Banks:

"I live for those who love me,
For those who know me true,
For the Heav’n that smiles above me,
And awaits my spirit, too;
For the wrong that needs resistance,
For the cause that lacks assistance,
For the future in the distance,
For the good that I can do."

So I live for those that love and need me. I think everyone here would agree that we both love and need you Annie.


kathie

ps. Do you have a pet? I have a little toy dog that is my constant companion. She curls up on my lap and won't leave my side during those long hours spent resting in the recliner. She is a great comfort.