Someone I read in a theological connection, perhaps a book reviewer on Amazon.com, said to relax and throw away all your self-help books, because your life is not about you anyway, it's about helping others. I thought of ol' cs when I read it, because the dear old thing does help when he can.

Seven months ago, I had my left hip replaced, which both made me able to walk again and left me with a lot of healing to do. I have never been brought so low, but it was still worth it for the lifting of the burden of that agonizing deep bone pain. Now I'm coming to myself, down to my last pain management tablet and in my right mind again, if my mind can ever be said to be right. Of course PD got worse in the meantime, but someone told me this is the only life I get. I've taken up exercise, and I love it for the first time in my life.

I try to stay optimistic and hopeful as a discipline for my mind. I get a lot out of my religion that helps me live every day the best I can. I have depression under control with mental habits and medication, not that I don't get down in the dumps sometimes. Down isn't the same as clinical depression. Let me remid y'all: Clinical depression is a physical illness often associated with PD, and not a moral failing. So see a doctor qualified to diagnose and treat it, learn all about it just like your PD, take your meds right along with your PD meds for the rest of your life, checking in with that doc 2-3 times a year or so, and accept it all as the way things are. Then get on with your life.

After cognitive changes set in (and this is NOT dementia, just a faulty clutch even though all the gears are there) what you can do will change. Enjoy it. Keep singing so your voice stays strong. Exercise. Eat well. Dance like nobody's watching. Stare your fears in the eye once a year or so, but as a practice dont think too far into the future, not even if you're as pious as a saint. So when it's time to be distracted, I favor Bubble Trouble on my Mac's dashboard.

Jaye
dx January 1999