i can't say much-sensical right now... i'm dahhheyhgbdkpht after today, but i read your post, and i understand about how things outside are 'great' and yet one feels so horrid. yes. bipolar. with me when i'm depressed i tend to dislike sunny days, for instance. i feel i should enjoy it and can't. i feel ungrateful... all sorts of things. bipolar. no fun.

i light a virtual fire under that pharmacy's suppliers that they get your paxil in ASAP.

i am so glad about your apartment... and all those external things. Come time you will enjoy them more fully... are you anhedonic overall right now, you know, where things you normally would enjoy leave you impassive?

i want you to be well.

love
m.

p.s. a little butterfly - black with orange markings, came to visit me today as i sat on the porch (MY porch - for the next day or two.) She settled on the railing, then fluttered a little, then settled back on the railing for a few seconds - long enough for me to see her well. then she flew away. i was touched. you know, strangely, i haven't seen a butterfly up close like that in years. let alone one that came to visit. i don't know why i wanted to share this but i did.