Ajmich,
Welcome! I don't have bi-polar but found the group of people that are in the bi-polar section here to be great. They were so gracious they said I could be part of their group even without bi-polar.
I am so sorry to hear that you have gone through so much trauma. I hope you are seeing a psychiatrist for some help in dealing with all this loss.
I know what it feels like to be suicidal. I am in chronic pain every day and have been since 2006. Sometimes, mental and physical problems can overwhelm.
I hope you will come to the bi-polar section and talk with the wonderful group of people there. I know they could help you and make you laugh.
Just wanted you to know you are not alone. So glad you reached out. Good for you. You will be in my prayers.
Much love,
Brain