Hi - thanks ever so much for asking after me, but I'm not so great today. Yesterday I tried a little trip out - we only live a couple of minutes' walk from the city centre so tried for a pootle down to the town to look for some relief from the heel pain (shoe shopping). Couldn't manage it and came home in agony, had to get the bus home even though we're so near, it was awful. Spent the night feeling like I had been kicked in the privates and back and with both heels in a lot of pain too. Got up this morning to a letter from the pain clinic, they've cancelled my appointment at the end of April and put it even further back to the end of May. Gutted is an understatement. At least I have the neurosurgeon appointment at the end of this month.

I rang the GP for help with the pain and it was like he wasn't hearing me, does that make sense? He kept saying that he can't change my medication until I've SEEN the pain clinic. He then completely changed this by offering me more nefopam. I am disgusted at myself because I said yes because he clearly wasn't going to offer me anything else. I can't believe I said yes to it when it made me feel so scared the last two times. He is giving me some cream for my heels, no idea what as he didn't say. Regardless of all that though he has not addressed the back and groin pain at all, and I can't get out of bed for it today. He wanted me to increase the Pregabalin despite me saying my nerve pain wasn't helped by it and I was gaining weight. I didn't dare tell him I came off it. Why would he be fine increasing the dose of a medication that's not working and yet not helping me find another one that might? It's no wonder people turn to illegal drugs.

He has referred me to occupational therapy as I said I need help at home (adaptations for example) and something to help me get out of the house. I can't cope on the crutches any more, it's not enough. I can't get in the bath, my husband has to help me and I'm not a light person lol. He is also blind so I should be looking after him, not the other way round.

Feeling very despondent, my pain is really bad, the buprenorphine isn't touching it any more and hasn't been for months and neither is the pregabalin on the nerve symptoms. I can't get mobile, because it makes things worse, and when I'm immobile, the pain gets worse. What can I do? I will try anything. I can't just lay here and get fatter and fatter and have them turn and say they left it too long to operate because I'm too heavy or the nerve damage is permanent. I really don't know what to do any more.