[Matt, I can see that this thought is all consuming for you. Im trying the best way I know how to help you understad this reality of depression.

I think if you understand that depressed people brain because of --prolonged stress-- this will cause and becomes difficult in the way the brain is proccessing thoughts.

This is exactly why depressed people have a repeat pattern of negative thinking. These thoughts make it a harder for depressed people to see more of a postive outcome.

I hope you can sort thru this thought to a better outcome by using the tools --by complying to take meds , get physcial and mental activity,ck cortisol levels etc--- all the other thing we previously talked about.

I understand your reality-- when you said this thought is obsessive to you-- but there is more then depression that shrinks the brain and thats a fact!!

Just would really like you to try your best to overcome this thought. Best Wishes Always!!