your story brought tears to my eyes. i am so sorry that you have endured so much. i sometimes sit in my room and cry because i feel like i am being plagued, but it is nothing compared to what you are dealing with. you are very brave and i applaud your fighting spirit!
it sounds like you have had a very rough life. i encourage you to keep talking and sharing your thoughts. i'm sure you know that it isn't healthy to carry all of this emotional baggage on your own. it sounds like you have wonderful support in michael. a lot of people aren't as lucky. BUT the most important thing is that you have God. i encourage you read the book of james - it's a wonderful book of hope. my favorite verse is james 1:12...
blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him
sometimes it's hard to be positive and it's hard to have hope. but in those times when you have extra strength, try to focus on the good stuff... like your kids. you must be a
great mom and you should be so proud of them... not just because of their success, but the fact that you helped them become who they are - thru adversity.
i will keep you in my prayers.
ang