I have autism and I think a schizophrenic-like disorder where a negative thought is embedded in my mind regardless even when my mind is clear--just being aware of the thought affects me.

Now most normal people view themselves as a person here in reality and to have a purpose and make the best of reality and if they were to read anything (like what I've read about depression shrinking the brain), that information does not bother them and does not overrule his/her own reality (unlike me).

I feel as though I am detached from my own reality (unlike normal people) and view the scientific world as reality. In other words, this scientific information (world) regarding depression dominates my own personal reality.

Most normal people would not view neurons as their very being. Instead, they view their own personality and what they do in life as their being. But as for me, I view neurons as my being (since they really are). And then from there it becomes an inescapable horror knowing that my very being (neurons) die through depression. Again, this whole scientific world of depression and dying neurons dominates over my own reality, what I do in life, etc. regardless of what I do and think because thoughts such as ("just ignore this thought and move on with your life" or "you as a person are important and have control") are thoughts in the normal reality which, again, the normal reality does not exist for me--I realize that the scientific reality is what's real and overrules the normal moral reality of making the best of life, having a purpose, etc.

This is because, again, the world of science defines everything (even your own personality and what you want to do in life). This information about depression shrinking the brain is a world of science and defines and dominates over my own world regardless of knowing that there are positive scientific worlds (the world of growing new neurons).