You see, there were questions in my life which had gone without clarity of answer for decades, so when of very recent times when my wife and I learned I am a genetic mosaic, that knowledge did drop a long sought piece to the puzzle into place so I could stop the wondering. Now the knowledge is sure and my mind is at peace.

Regarding the pursuit of information whether Alzheimers is within my road map of life, I do not think right this moment I want to deal with the information [if it were to be confirmation of likelihood] because such a finality seems to be the present medical take on the subject. Were the syndrome to become fully understood and care assuredly mapped, I might be much more interested.

Since all of my grandparents succumbed to cancer, for me it would be akin to going through a scan [which I may not as I have an implanted SCS] of the body to learn whether cancer is on my life's roadmap. I can deal with that risk not knowing what lays ahead. In this there is a feeling of hope. Maybe this is where my faith takes over and I am able to yield to another the handling of life's longterm issues while I find myself grateful day to day being able to work in my profession, bring food to table and roof over heads which i could not for years after the wreck which disabled me. Right now, life feels as though a grand blessing to me.

And Brain..... well, I have only the one sibling, who is interested in learning of the prospect of Alzheimers. The test is available and cost less than $400. Maybe they will do it while I hang back in the "wings of the theatre" watching the grand play of life unfold to what it will. Seems the insurance industry, that is what remains of it after the congressional socialization of it, could capitalize on creation and sale of premium based care for loved ones who fall prey to Alzheimers enabling families to avoid financial devastation while caring needfully for their loved one. In the case of my parents, my father remains in their home cared for by my mother. She is daily overwhelmed by the crumbling loss of Dad, her love. We cannot afford for him to live in assisted care because of the Medicare/Medicaid reality of having to sell the family home to realize the equity value which would be paid over to provide for my father; hence, the "keeping" of him at home for daily care, while turning the home into a fortress calculated to create a lockdown safe zone environment for Dad as he fades. Sad, so sad.

Now Brain, as to those wisp of thought threads you have experienced about suicidal ideation. Please contemplate sharing that with your most trusted loved one or ones so they may be vigilant observing the possible advancing need to get care helping you with managing it. I know personally, very personally, the precipice you have seen is there, real, seductively attractive in the depths of any depression you might feel, and the approach to it is NOT protected by guardrails; in fact, it is a Very Steep Slippery Slope.

Do watch out over yourself in all of this, OK?

Love and hugs, for you all and for the room