My Father, a man who was robust, a contractor of decades experience and honors, intelligent to any measure, now declines in Alzheimers. The disease is horribly insidious in its "thief of the night" robbing of its sufferers from even their own person long before the body enters decline unto terminal events. Ultra poor planning on the part of primarily my Father resulted in circumstance by which Mother cannot afford to place Father in a care facility appropriate to his dire straights. She is left with caring for him at home.
Their home has been secured fortresslike against the possiblity Father might "escape" and wander. Lockdown is the state of affairs for their homelife in which Mother feels dread solitude while she cares for the needs of her love, her husband, though he is unable to reciprocate at all let alone recognize the one who gives and gives for his well being.
Mother as a caregiver feels utterly trapped. Oh, she has the limited contact with friends, those who are willing to be near to a situation which seems horrifyingly frightening. After all, could they be the next one snared into such a web of illness?
Consequent loneliness overwhelms my Mother. Oh, we make calls, or write. Our children reach out to provide photos or smiles. But the in between times. Those times when the walls of the home echo with the thunder of loneliness reach into Mother's soul, nearly entombing her. She begins to feel anger and deprivation. She lashes out rapidly and often with venom assured to draw wounds on those she loves, that is, those who understand her. In this, she works anger up to the surface and out. It is released as poison painting those emotionally near.
The very very difficult part here is continuing to deliver support to my Mother, the wielder of emotional pain. We have to love her through this somehow. She needs not to feel abandoned. My faith calls upon me to be prayerfully supportive of her so she may endure.
Thus, I pray. And pray. And pray.
Perhaps you who read this live a similar circumstance, and if you are in its throes I feel much empathy for you. Yours is a very very hard life. May you be held together in faith secure you will survive these interminable moments of dread loss.
I don't know exactly how, but all will be well in time.
hugs
for the room