Thank you all for your responses. Bizi- I found the paperwork online for refusal of the feeding tube and my brother has a lawyer that is doing a will and wishes of my father and mother.
I am feeling less suicidal I am happy to report but will watch myself and be kind to myself. Thank you Mark that advise was right on. I have been on the edge of the cliff looking over.
Alfie if not for your links, I don't know if I would of made it through that day. Thank you so much.
I so appreciate all your compassionate responses and care for me. I will stay in touch. It is good to have support.
Brain