since Bobby hates writing that can I go out further on the limb she sprouted and suggest what if there is suppressed anger(resentment) at having to take on so much with Jeff's injury? Values and social expectations would never allow you to express that anger outwardly - maybe something you could hammer out with your therapist... i recall only once did you express resentment - after the cruise when it all hit you "again" after a period of relief from the burdens

not blaming or judging (quite the contrary i could totally relate)

it would seem normal to me... maybe i have said that before.

Still i think alcohol is a weakness for you Bizi but one that emerges when you have other stressors.

also may I say: i don't get manic because i drink: i drink when I am manic. but i also drink for other reasons. not saying it's the same for you. but i am questioning it. because you dont' sound manic - you just sound really preoccupied about the drinking - and that is a good thing as long as it motivates you and does not perpetuate the problem.

~ waves ~ who has been talking too much on this topic i should shut up i s'pose.