Originally Posted by dshue

I know I'm coming to this after the fact, but I saw your original post today and the topic you hit on is something I spend MUCH time obsessing (and I'm a little obsessive to begin with) over with my Pain Psychologist. Thank you for bringing it up, and, after reading your posts, good luck with seeing with any developing relationship in this case (or not, if you've moved on).

Being single, dating is an important subject. I was, well, devastated by the realization that I, in all likelihood, am going to be permanently afflicted with a disorder that, in my case, is progressing slowly throughout my body. I'm officially 'disabled' now, but I know my condition is going to lead to further physical dilapidation.

All the meds; the nerve blocks; nothing works. The most beneficial thing has been therapy, along with meditation (when I'm not in a pain flare leaving me on the floor unable to even try such an endeavor).

But I had the need to be able to verbalize, to practice the part, to run lines with my therapist about actually going on a date with another human being. The acting analogy also is a reference to my situation, living in LA, and, before all of this, working in film.

I was hopelessly stuck on when you do the normal date background talk "well, I've got this 'thing'. Do you have an hour?", which just made me more depressed. I mean, I have to say something. I use a cane; I have Lidoderm patches all over my body. My condition can't be avoided.

My therapist wiped all my consternation away in an instant, simply suggesting I say "I hurt my back", and leave it at that. I couldn't get my hands around that one. I'm (it's unavoidable) so wrapped up in my affliction, I felt I couldn't just say something so simple. Additionally, it's dishonest. The more I ranted I got to saying that's morally offensive.

But my therapist kept on her tact. Her point being I am not just my illness, there is so much more to who we are as a person, that why would I bog myself done in the muck immediately. It is a little narcissistic actually. I strenuously objected to this strategy, but she was tenacious. Her suggestion was if the date led to another meeting, and things were developing, then I would reveal the whole hours long tale of woe and misery. The correct response from the woman (or man) should be sympathy. It would certainly be my response if presented with such a scenario, and if I was interested in that person, I would continue on to see what could possibly develop. If that was NOT the response, well then see you later. You're morally repugnant.

I've found that of course other people don't obsess over another's illness the way the ill person does, and that it is indeed possible to get to know someone.

I mean, there's nothing I can do about my situation. It is what it is, and it isn't going to change anytime soon.