Well my friends. I hesitated to even begin to tell you all what was said and what happened to me this past Monday. It's Wednesday and I'm still recovering from it, with increased headache, neck pain, confusion, brain fog.

I was asked to fill out a great deal of paperwork, forms, questionnaires, many of the same nature I filled out for the NP. (Eg: how much do you agree with statements such as "I'll never recover" and "I'm afraid this is permanent"... Lovely tricks to which I must state I disagreed)

After 45 minutes of trick questions I was already tired.

Then I saw the PT. She took my history. (Again) She examined my neck. (Painful) She "tested" me for vestibular issues to which I tested negative. I was asked to wear goggles (with cameras in them pointed at my eyes) while she leaned me downward abruptly. They watched my eyes for a reaction because apparently your eyes will wiggle back and forth really quickly if that motion causes dizziness. I tested negative. I asked why I feel sick to my stomach if I'm not dizzy. She said, that's motion sickness not dizziness. Ok.

She also said "you know the latest research indicates concussions are healed in one week" and I said, oh. She asked, what do you think of that? I said, well I'm not a professional, I just want to get well. (Thanks again for playing trick the patient!)

They asked me to lift heavy boxes and walk around the gym. Tested to see if I could do this once every 30 mins in a workday (no) and could I safely do it once a day (maybe, depends on symptoms). I had to wear a heart rate monitor and of course I did my best and got a big headache as a reward.

Not sure why a marketing and guest services manager would need to lift heavy boxes but ok. Keeping an open mind at this point.

Then I had to sit and type at a desk and was asked if I felt discomfort. I said I still feel sick to my stomach and have a headache. They asked why do you think that is? I answered I don't know for sure but I tend to get increased symptoms with activity. She wrote all that down. Something in my gut said, uh oh. I wasn't supposed to speculate.

Then I was taken to see the psychologist. Ladies and gents this is where it gets crazy. I took notes so that I could recall it.

He was a well dressed handsome guy with a constant smile. He took my history (again) and told me that WCB chose their private practice for these assessments based on rigorous criteria and that this was an accomplishment for the business. He explained the panel process how they send an initial report in two days then an advanced report in a week for my treatment plans.

He asked, "why do you think you have not recovered?" I said I don't know, I'm doing everything I should do.

He continued by asking what those things were. I listed rest, acupuncture, good nutrition etc.

Then after I answered his questions he said, "I've read the NP report and your brain is 100% fine. You had a concussion but a clear CT and MRI mean there is no physical evidence of injury. You are not injured. You are fine. Everything you feel is an accepted perception based on things you've researched or been told that are not true. There is no such thing as post concussion syndrome.

In fact, what has happened is that there is concussion hysteria in the media due to some high profile cases such as Sidney Crosby."

He smiled and waited for a response. I said, cautiously, "so there's no such thing as PCS? How come the NP said I have it?" And he said, "you've misunderstood his report, he says you are 100% fine. There is nothing wrong with you."

I said, "but he mentions executive functioning deficits and short term memory" and he interrupted "I've read it. You are fine. There is nothing wrong with you. You do not have permanent brain damage even though you think you do" as he smiled.

I said, "but I never said I had brain damage."

He said, "this concussion hysteria frustrates me. Patients who don't recover are sent to specialist after specialist and no one can determine why they don't recover. Then they are finally sent to psychologists like me. That's where we have to deprogram them to finally get them to accept they are recovered."

I asked, "so the neuro surgeon was wrong in diagnosing PCS?"

He said, "it's hysteria, it doesn't exist."

He smiled and smiled waiting for me to let it sink in.

So I asked, "why do I feel pain if I'm fine?"

He said, "because you have accepted you have pain. You have created an accepted norm and you have become focused and sensitive to anything that causes a symptom and automatically attribute it to the concussion. You have created hyper sensitivity to light and sound by being in a quiet dark environment."

I asked, "so this is all my fault?"

He said, "there isn't blame here. It's just that you accepted beliefs by doctors telling you that your recovery is taking a long time. The facts show you are fine. Now you just need to accept that instead of believing you have pain."

I said, "so since I'm fine, should I drive again?"

He said, "I won't be held responsible for that, you will have to ask your GP"

I said, "well I thought I'd ask you because you disagree with my GP AND a brain surgeon."

He said, "I can tell you're defensive and not receptive" and I said, "with all due respect to your opinion, I'm confused and I'm certainly no professional"

And he stood and shook my hand and said "you are recovered and you should return to work full time, and to your regular life. It's great news" as he smiled. He led me out of the room.

Still with me??

So remember WCB said I would see an OT? I didn't get to see one. I had a four hour break and was asked to return at 4pm to see the chiro and the GP.

The four hour break was good to vent to my husband who was not allowed to attend with me by the way. I was not allowed an advocate.

The chiro took my history (again) and looked at my spine, said my posture is the cause of my pain. She asked why I think I'm not recovered yet. I said I am too confused now to answer that since talking to the psychologist.

The GP then saw me. Took history. (Again). He asked the same questions and I answered the same as before. I was defeated.

So.... thoughts? I hope this hasn't upset anyone... As much as it upset me.