I can truly relate.
Albeit that I am much older than you, and have experienced over the past 4+1/2 years periods of "doing much better" ... followed by "totally gone off the radarscreen" *relapses*, ad nauseum.
*When* I am "doing better"/okay with my post-TBI-PCS ... my 'sociable person' aspect remains an enduring aspect of my being ... a 'strength' of being, as it were.
Yet even still, I have to have *beau coups* amounts of time "alone", "quiet", sans any social contact/stimulation whatsoever. This has become my "new normal" ... even when I am doing "well".
I've gratefully been enjoying and appreciating a past 6 mos. of "doing very well" ... and have been able to enjoy being engaged as a personal/private chef again.
I've been enjoying being "highly-functioning" (relatively speaking, of course!)
I've (because of my age, etc.) come-unto a GREAT deal of self-acceptance of
Self "As I am, Now" ... boundaries, limitations and all.
(*Not necessarily* so for you of younger age, please know!!)
Yet I have just enjoyed the past week with a very truly *dearest*
adult-lifelong friend, who actually chose to spend the time, money, extensive travel energy, to come to visit with me here on the Gulf Coast South.
It was great.
Though we had not seen one another since I was last with her at her home in Santa Fe, 9 years ago --- it was as if we had picked-up where we left off only "yesteryear".
We didn't "busy" ourselves with any pressing-agendas to "Go-and-Do-and-See" while she was here ... it was largely relaxing time together ... we both tended to "sleep-in late" ... we didn't "push" ourselves to "DO" anything in particular.
YET, when she departed @ 9 am on Saturday morning after 5 days ...
by *noon* I was "down" for a *most-necessary* nap --- which was 3 hours! --- tho' I never truly slept ... just quietly, peacefully rested, with my eyes closed, on my bed, with the warm breeze blowing in the windows from the Gulf/South.
I then slept that night, overnight ... until *2pm* Sunday!!
My brain simply so very much *needed* that total-shut-down time from ALL sensory input/stimulation, from ALL possible/potential social-energy interaction/exchange.
Though my dear friend and I are *quite* comfortable enough together to have "silence" together ... I still yet now on Monday afternoon cannot possibly abide "talking on the phone" ... with *anyone* ... for any length of time.
I simply require this immense "quiet" and "retreat" from the greater World of Life ... until such time as I feel I am able/capable of engaging-again.
It's simply how it is for me.
Please try to not "judge yourself" for any perceived/projected "lack" of social-energy engagement.
You've simply got to take care of yourself, simply as you are ... as you are NOW.
There are plenty of "good times" ahead of you, rest assured that it is so.
They may not be as you used-to-think-they-SHOULD-be for you now ... yet, I assure you, they are truly there for you.
Please, take very Good Care of you, for now ...
for if you do not, *Who Will* ?
Sincerely,
Theta Z.
Quote:
Originally Posted by claritan
Im 14 months into this and am pretty much almost there in being better. i work constuction everyday, i workout, i drink caffeine all day basically all the stuff i had to stop im back to doing its good in that regards and its been like this for the last few months
i have 2 symptoms left with are visual disturbances and some fatigue but i fight through it in hopes they go away but im getting sad because im realizing as more time goes on they might now i mean cmon its been 14 damn months now just get better already
BUT the thing i noticed which isnt even PCS is the fact i still dont want to talk or see anyone i used to be close with. i never try to hang out with my friends anymore, never want to talk to my family and i basically dont want to see anyone anymore. all i really want to do is be in my own world now. why is this? i went from a guy who would talk to friends every day and go out every weekend to becoming a complete hermit crab. its like the fact that im not my oldself makes me not want people to see me in this state. the fact that im almost normal but still cant do the things i used to like going out all weekend and drinking is really bothering me. ive lost friends because of PCS and my family thinks im turning weird.
last year i missed a lot being home and just not feeling well. its like im scared of the life i missed and dont know what to do without it. im so used to being hurt now i dont know any other way. how do i break this cycle my life is getting depressing and not worthwile IMO
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