Thank you Lightrail and Mark for your answers! Before we were married, 20 years ago, I was unaware of his problems but did question him about his spelling..asking if he had dyslexia and he said no. Over the years I've had trouble communicating with him. I thought he was being a jerk on purpose and we ended up in marriage counseling 2 years ago. The counselor immediately said he should have a neuropshchological test. The final results were the memory issues, and a learning disability. A couple of things the tester, Ralph, said that scared me were: "The only reason you can he can do his job is that he has been doing it for so long and has it memorized" and "He doesn't understand the meaning of things". My husband seems to have some kind of auditory processing problem because he often does not answer the question like he heard it right. But that didn't really show up in the test. I have found out he had two significan head injuries as a kid and one severe car accident in his 20's. He was also a serious alcoholic with 5 DWI's and 3 times through treatment but he has been sober for 25 years.
His life is very simplified and routine. He defers to me a lot. He lacks empathy and laughs at inappropriate things. His social life consists of work and his AA group and many of his male friends have fallen by the wayside. He stays at work as late as possible and everything we have planned in our life together has fallen apart: children, a business, a cabin, etc. He can't seem to see things through. He hasn't accepted that he has issues because he told Ralph he can fix our marriage problems himself. We don't have much family and I am isolated with him and can't take another weekend couped up. I think he needs a lot of help and I'm not qualified or patient and don't know if I even love him anymore. It's a lot!