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Originally Posted by takinxanax
He had two significan head injuries as a kid and one severe car accident in his 20's.
He can't seem to see things through. He hasn't accepted that he has issues because he told Ralph he can fix our marriage problems himself. We don't have much family and I am isolated with him and can't take another weekend couped up. I think he needs a lot of help and I'm not qualified or patient and don't know if I even love him anymore. It's a lot!
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Thank you for you transparency and explanations. I’m not a doctor or psychologist, but with the concussions happening many years ago he probably has made cognitive and emotional adjustments over those many years that may be difficult to break or change.
In AA (I am a well-qualified AA member also) step 1 is acceptance. Like recovery from alcohol or pretty much anything, the desire to change has to be there. After my TBI I didn’t want to do the prescribed therapies, but I did them because I realized my brain was injured and I wanted to get better. At this point it sounds as if he hasn’t gotten to where he sees the need to change. Indeed, with his history of alcoholism and the brain injuries he may not have the capacity to see the need to change.
Have you considered counseling for yourself? I sense some conflict in your story, and it may helpful for you to talk through that conflict with a professional. Or a free option I might suggest is to try al-anon, where you can talk through your feelings with others that can share their non-judgemental support. Even though he has been sober for 25 years it sounds like he is struggling with acceptance of his other deficits that are impacting your relationship. You sound like a caring but frustrated spouse and you deserve to live a happy life.
I wish you the best.
