My wife and I went through similar things the lack of sensitivity and empathy then the sudden outbursts of anger. The other problems were the lack of understanding on the injury. I was always perceived to be almost impervious to injury - In the past I had broken my neck and severed fingers but returned to work in a couple of weeks. This time I "bumped" my head and spent all day and most of the night, week after week in an armchair not doing anything - so unlike the "old" me. As my wife says bits of me are still there but not the person she has known for 37 years.
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Originally Posted by MsRriO
You asked if anyone has been through this, and I can't say yes because I'm currently trying to figure out my own mess here. So yes and no?
We have some definite new issues since my injury here. Lots of resentment that goes unresolved, stuffing feelings down because I'm having a bad brain day or husband says "we'll talk again when you're in your right mind" (ouch)
The biggest complaint my husband has is that (in his words) I am angry all the time.
I try to show him I'm really not angry but he thinks my tone is always mad. I'm frustrated by things that are out of my control (my symptoms, my slow recovery, and awful treatment by WCB and doctors) and if I speak of these frustrating things my husband just shuts down. He basically is tired of hearing it, and is tired of me being "injured". (Quotations his, not mine)
Five months is forever to him. Because five months after his heart attack, he felt better than he'd felt in years. He simply cannot relate. He asks how I am and he wants to hear me say I'm great, and see a big smile. He doesn't want the truth. Except by the time I figure that out I've already answered "I have a bad headache" and he sighs...
He has said he misses the old me, the one he met. I say I don't think she is coming back and he says, well that's the you I loved, not this version. Ouch!
So I guess I'm here to say you're not alone, and at least in honestly sharing how he feels without really blaming you (I hope) it will open up communication. He is willing to go to counselling and that is huge. Very good sign. Most men I know, would rather chew their own arms off. Mine is one of those.
Not all our moments here are bad so I also don't blame you for not realizing how your husband felt until he shared it. Most of our moments are ok, so if mine wasn't slinging passive aggressive comments all the time I'd truly be clueless. Lol
Mark is totally on the money with new baby syndrome in your husband. It can be a rough time on relationships and added stress of your injury likely didn't help. I guess all I can offer is a hug and a "hang in there"! You're not alone.  |