Thank you all so much, you're all brilliant.

Bram - I had to giggle at a bit of your post, because I had visions of your husband going back to work after lunch with his hair all messed up and a tie and glasses on skew-wiff lol. I love your ideas, I am going to try and encorporate private time earlier in the day too (morning sex rocks anyway). I hope it doesn't sound "wrong" that I think you and I think alike on this - your last sentence says it all.

Djhasty - it sounds like you've had a really difficult time of it so thank you for being open and sharing your experiences.

Heidi - great advice there, thanks. The "let's just get it done" feeling was most of my last marriage, and I can't go back to that as I let it become a pattern (for entirely different reasons, mostly cos he was rubbish ). While it wasn't what caused our split, I'd be lying if I said it didn't contribute. Besides, Baz is amazing, he puts more than enough effort in and he wants me to enjoy myself too as that's a big part of it for him as well. I think he'd do without if he thought I was in any way just going through the motions for him, although it has been suggested to me by others that I just focus on pleasing him and forget about me. I told him that and he looked genuinely horrified.