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Member
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Columbus
Posts: 304
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Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Columbus
Posts: 304
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Thank you so much!
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsRriO
It's brave of you to talk about this. I think many here can understand. I'm still in the first six months (sorry I can't remember how far along you are in your PCS struggle) and have noticed such a wide variety of symptoms that come and go, it's impossible to know if it's all PCS related.
I guess what I try to do lately (to spare myself added anxiety that causes worsening symptoms) is address the symptom without trying to determine if its from PCS or not because it doesn't really solve it any faster, know what I mean?
I think you should give yourself the same compassion you show other people and cut yourself some slack. Be your own good listener! You deserve a good friend like you! You may be suffering some depression, and the chicken/egg quandary of whether its caused by PCS or inactivity won't make you feel any better, any faster. It may just be a slump but from the sounds of it, it's the kind of apathy and lack of motivation that would be classified as depression. I'm no expert, I just really relate to your post.
Strangely enough I relate not because of PCS but years before I was injured, I had major depression. Your post sounds like the self doubt and guilt that I felt back then. There is always help and hope.
Something I find interesting especially among us moms:
People who suffer mental illness often fight the good fight with the uninformed masses, shouting "it's not weakness! It's not a choice!" from the rooftops if we are supporting someone else's struggle. But amid our own thoughts, about ourselves, when no one but us can hear, I think we blame ourselves. We seem to need a syndrome to blame for our depression when in itself it's an illness, not a choice. Mechanically our brains are not coping with life, yet we blame ourselves. That's like blaming the driver for ditching the car when the brakes fail. What else was the driver supposed to do? Mechanically, the support system didn't work!
For example if you think your mood and motivation is affected by PCS you feel more justified than if it's not. Is that because, without PCS as the cause, you blame yourself for not feeling well, in your own quiet thoughts? Not trying to get you to answer, just trying to get you to give yourself a break. The same grace you show other people, show to yourself. I think posting your story was so awesome. You seem like you suspect you may need more "mechanical" help, and I think you should seek it. And I think you need a hug! 
Hope this helps, even just to know that with or without PCS, it's a relatable tale. |
Your post made me cry, but in the best way possible! I really NEEDED to hear all of that. I know I am my worst critic. I've always been this way. I find it incredibly hard to be compassionate toward myself, and I feel like a coward, not brave at all. (Like, I would never be picked for Gryffindor! Lol!)
You are totally right about there being no real benefit in determining the cause of my symptoms. It doesn't really matter if it's the depression or the brain injury. I just have to address it in whatever way I can and try to move forward. Thanks for giving me that shift in perspective! I'm too emotionally confused at this moment to figure it out for myself!
I seriously didn't realize I was depressed until I read the letter my therapist wrote to my insurance company in order to appeal the termination of my short-term disability. At that point, I told him, "I haven't really thought of myself as depressed, but I guess I am." The reason why I didn't realize it was that over 10 years ago, I suffered a terrible depression, verging on psychotic, since I was having hallucinations. I had to tell my roommate to get all sharp objects out of the house, because I just didn't trust myself. I was seeing a psychologist three times a week and a psychietrist once a month. What I'm feeling now is nothing like what I felt then! So I didn't recognize the depression for what it was. It just kind of snuck up on me and took the wheel.
Thank you for your compassion. I really needed to read what you had to say. It's restored my feeling that I'm not just wasting time on this board (which has been one of my many self criticisms lately). Both to give support and to receive it is so important when dealing with the struggles of PCS. It is nice not to feel so alone and to feel like you are helping others. I hope you can go on with your day knowing that you reached out and helped a stranger through some difficult emotions (and probably other people going through similar emotions!) Hugs to you!
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I have recovered my cognitive function, and I've overcome severe vertigo through sensory integration therapy. Wellbutrin has helped me escape depression. I have recently had a few stress-related migraines, as well as headaches stemming from eye strain. I'm also dealing with tinnitus, lack of stamina, extreme light sensitivity, and eye pain. Diagnosed with 9 different vision issues: convergence insufficiency, pursuit eye movement deficit, egocentric visual midline shift, photophobia, visual information processing delays, accommodative insufficiency, saccadic eye movement deficit, lack of coordination, and central peripheral visual integration deficit.
*First concussion: October 2010. I was pregnant and got rear ended. I associated my mild PCS symptoms with baby brain and blamed my light sensitivity on allergies and dry eyes.
*Second concussion: December 2011. I hit my head on a wooden beam, saw stars but did not lose consciousness, and I had very disturbing PCS symptoms but didn't go to the doctor.
*Third concussion: August 2012. I caused a car accident as a result of PCS symptoms. Thankfully no one was injured but me. My husband confronted me, and I finally sought help and took medical leave from work. My symptoms worsened, and I developed severe vertigo.
*Fourth concussion: November 2012. I was riding in a car with a friend and we were hit head on by a driver who lost control of her car. I didn't have a big increase in PCS symptoms.
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