I am sorry for you and the pain you feel in your marriage. You have a right to seek some happiness. We are only on this earth a short time. I am 61, and alone too. I do have a son who stays close to me.
If your husband does not want to change or seek council to improve the situation, that ties your hands and leaves you not many options. I know leaving would be full of grief, but sometimes in order to live your life it is something to consider. I do think marriage is a commitment, and vow, sacred, however it takes two to make a marriage. Would a trial seperation wake your husband up to the grief you are feeling? Can it shake him and let him know you need more? Just from my own experience, and I did fail at a marriage, I would rather be alone, than stuck in a marriage that hurts. Life hurts, your spouse is to be the one you turn to. I don't think you can do that with your husband. For your own mental well being, maybe council would help you to cope, just for your own sake. Getting an outside opinion on the situation may help to bring light on this sad situation. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. We do need friends when things hurt. ginnie