I am truly sorry to read of your current position. Remember this, most of us are here because we are not exactly where we would like to be. Myself, I am about to turn 36, have been diagnosed with 2 different back disorders and have to face the fact that I will probably never return to law enforcement again, let alone having to give up all of my hobbies because I can't physically do any of them anymore. This probably isn't the place to say this, but I have considered the "unthinkable" if you know what I mean, many times. Last night, thanks to neuropathy, I spent 2 hours on the floor! Find that one thing that keeps you going. It sounds like you haven't found yours yet - but keep looking, because when you find it, it will be enough to get you through anything. Good Luck to you and Best Wishes!