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Originally Posted by Senathon
Just an update on our dating. We are doing very well, she has started to tell me more about her condition and she is accepting me being around her and touching her(holding hands, hugging, kissing). She is so wonderful! For me, I think this will be the one.
We are still experiencing some miscommunication issues about she thinking that when I come over, that we have to go out. I know when we do go out, she usually has a flare up that hurts her the next day.
If you know that you are going out for the day, would you risk a flareup? When I come over, my girlfriend and I go out and she has a flair up the next day. I have told her in the past that I am content in staying home. Do you think she is goes out because she feels guility or does she want to go out?
I would like some opinions. I hate seeing her the next day breaking down crying in pain.
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It's possible that she goes out because she feels guilty as you say...but I would say it's more likely that she goes out despite the flares because she WANTS to. So much is taken away from us when we get RSD and many of us will put up with a lot just for that little bit of normalcy or so that we can do something that we really want. If she really wants to spend time with you and to go out and experience things with you...then the flares the following day are probably worth it to her.
The thing I've come to understand is that no matter what I do, I am in pain. There is always pain. Yes...the flares are worse than the "regular" pain. On the other hand...I went so stir crazy it wasn't even funny when I was trapped inside my house on the couch. If I stayed home every day and took it easy I have no doubt that my pain levels would be much much better than they are now. BUT...I would not be happy. I have much higher pain levels on a daily basis because I work full time, I go out and spend time in my garden, and I like to go out and do things including taking vacations...AND I AM HAPPY. That happiness is worth so much in the pain department.
It's unfortunate that for many of us with RSD it's an either or choice. There are things we can do to prepare for the pain or to take the edge off (I am glad she uses the cane if it makes things better for her...I use a walker and it has made a world of difference). But we all have to make decisions about what activities we are going to do, are they worth the pain cost, etc.
I am so very happy to hear that the two of you are doing well. So long as you have made it clear that you guys don't NEED to go out for YOUR sake...let her make the decisions about what SHE wants. If it were me...I would want to go out and enjoy what I could. That she plans your outings based on when she has a free day afterwards to rest and recoup shows that she understands what she is doing and the cost of going out. She CHOOSES to still go out and if that makes her happy then it's probably worth more to her than you could ever know.