|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Columbus
Posts: 304
|
|
|
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Columbus
Posts: 304
|
Serious Downturn, Despite My Efforts
Okay, so I went off the cliff and now I'm trying to climb out of this canyon. With my serious bout with depression 10+ years ago before I ever hit my head, i had uncontrollable thoughts about hurting myself, and I'm NOT having that problem. (Yay for that, i suppose!) That said, i am having uncontrollable negative thoughts, kind of like someone is piping in music, only the songs are "All You've Managed to Do is Fail, Fail, Fail" and "No One Likes You, You Nutbag". I don't like this music, and i would like to change it but i can't. This feels very chemical and/or hormonal. My lethargy has worsened, and yesterday my husband thought I'd taken some oxycodone because I was slurring my words and was moving so slowly. I felt like someone had drugged me! I am largely over my worst PCS symptoms, and I believe this current swan dive to be the result of my brain being more vulnerable to stress, but really it doesn't matter. I just need to get back out of this hole.
So here is my current plan of action: 1. Restarted my antidepressant; 2. Trying to spend as much time with my husband and daughter as possible, to distract myself from negative thoughts. 3. Cut myself serious slack and remember I am going through an illness--depression is not a Personal failing. 4. Continue to see therapist; 5. Continue to reach out to friends for support. 6. Count my blessings everyday and remember the many people suffering in the world. 7. Try to do nice things for other people, removing myself from the center of my focus. 8. Force myself to get out of the house everyday, even if it's just for a walk; 9. Try to work on projects that give me a sense of accomplishment. 10. Listen to music that makes me happy.
The big trouble is I find it exceedingly difficult to do much of anything. I haven't done my physical therapy in three days. Getting up from a seated position requires a lengthy peptalk. I don't want to just wait for the antidepressants to kick in. My previous experience with this makes me feel like the sooner I start fighting this, the sooner i'll get feeling better. It's just so hard. On the upside, my husband is being very helpful and supportive, despite the fact that he has not been feeling super happy either, for good reason.
What can I do that I'm not already doing? Anything? The worst part of this is that all the crying is making me have headaches, and I'm just worried about setting myself back, but I cannot seem to turn off the spicket!
__________________
I have recovered my cognitive function, and I've overcome severe vertigo through sensory integration therapy. Wellbutrin has helped me escape depression. I have recently had a few stress-related migraines, as well as headaches stemming from eye strain. I'm also dealing with tinnitus, lack of stamina, extreme light sensitivity, and eye pain. Diagnosed with 9 different vision issues: convergence insufficiency, pursuit eye movement deficit, egocentric visual midline shift, photophobia, visual information processing delays, accommodative insufficiency, saccadic eye movement deficit, lack of coordination, and central peripheral visual integration deficit.
*First concussion: October 2010. I was pregnant and got rear ended. I associated my mild PCS symptoms with baby brain and blamed my light sensitivity on allergies and dry eyes.
*Second concussion: December 2011. I hit my head on a wooden beam, saw stars but did not lose consciousness, and I had very disturbing PCS symptoms but didn't go to the doctor.
*Third concussion: August 2012. I caused a car accident as a result of PCS symptoms. Thankfully no one was injured but me. My husband confronted me, and I finally sought help and took medical leave from work. My symptoms worsened, and I developed severe vertigo.
*Fourth concussion: November 2012. I was riding in a car with a friend and we were hit head on by a driver who lost control of her car. I didn't have a big increase in PCS symptoms.
|