Paula J-what a heart wrenching story. I'm so sorry. I am, however happy that you gave faith to hold onto and which led you to discover what ails you.
It is such a struggle to find answers. A LOT of trial and error. 2.5 years and counting for me.
Thanks for the encouragement.
I am sitting down with a pastor tomorrow who may help clarify my questions on God.
I lost all faith a long time ago. Praying never helped in any way.
I have 2 close friends in my life who want me to try to find God and have a relationship with him. We will see. I am skeptical.

Still fighting: I have to now wait at least 6 months for a court date to plead my case to the social benefits tribunal. Its infuriating that during this horrifying time, I have zero financial assistance. It is increasingly difficult in Ontario to obtain disability. Even with a hand written letter from my pain doctor, commenting on the neuropathy, cael tunnel, and psychiatric illnesses, they still refused me.
I have considered a psychiatric hospital countless times, but am afraid of many aspects.
I am tied into a lease at my apartment, for one. I truly am stuck.

The fentanyl has stolen my energy completely. I have hot flashes all day, as well as headaches. On top of residual pain and of course depression, anxiety, OCD, bpd..etc. its unbelievably difficult. Every minute of the day.

Thanks for reading...