Originally Posted by DFayesMom

So I've been in denial in a variety of ways for about 2 1/2 years and am now trying to deal with things. I'm normally a highly intuitive person and often have felt like I should have been therapist. My friends call me to help them through their problems. But here I am, with no real sense of my own reality. How did this happen? And what do I do now?

Okay, so my most recent case of denial has been that I am okay besides my vision-related issues. My cognitive symptoms--ie mental fogginess, memory problems, problems concentrating--have resolved, leaving me with mostly my normal ADHD symptoms, but I still have no energy, no motivation, and very little stamina. Trouble is, I've always been a bit lethargic and lacking motivation, so I tend to blame myself for something that I'm sure is related to my PCS. I can't help but feel like I'm making excuses for myself, that I should be able to get it together.

I find myself wasting my days doing nothing. I don't do things I enjoy or tasks that make me feel a sense of accomplishment. I just do nothing and I can't seem to stop myself from falling into that stupor. I end up feeling depressed and worthless. I am at a stage in my recovery where I can do more, so why aren't I? My therapist thinks maybe it is out of fear, but I honestly do not know if that is correct. I know I am having some issues with depression and am considering medication again, but I don't feel like it's depression that is causing me to act this way. It feels more like depression is the result of this behavior. Or am I just deluding myself again? I just don't know what end is up anymore!

So right now, my daughter still in daycare, because we were waiting until I was ready to be more social before keeping her home to stay with me during the day. My husband and I were just afraid that she wasn't going to get enough social interaction, because she's very used to playing with other kids all the time. In retrospect, I wish that I had her home with me sooner. She'll be home with me starting the second week of May. So here's an example of a typical day for me as of late:

7:00 am: get up and get my daughter ready for daycare
8:30: drop her off at daycare
8:45: pick up groceries
9.30: unload groceries and do some dishes and kitchen clean up while talking on the phone to my mom.
10:15: get laundry going
10:30: mess around on Internet
11:00: tidy up around the house/more laundry
11:30: eat lunch and watch tv
12:15: do physical therapy while watching tv
1:00: watch tv, feel worthless, think of all the things I could be doing
1:45: write in my journal about how worthless I feel
2:15: mess around on my phone while a timer I set in the kitchen to motivate myself to get off my butt goes off every ten seconds
2:30: turn off the timer, do laundry
2:45: scurry around the house trying to accomplish a few household chores so it looks like I've had a productive day
4:45: welcome husband and daughter home and spend the next few hours caring for/playing with daughter and cooking dinner for family.
8:00: put daughter to bed
8:15: clean up kitchen
8:45: talk to husband and watch tv
10:30: lay in bed and play games on my phone until I feel tired
11:00: fall asleep

Writing that, I just feel so pathetic! Any advise would be appreciated. Not sure what to do with myself!