Hi Vrie and welcome.

I may be a bit on an outlier, as I substantially recovered from my TBI in around 5 months, but I'll share my experience.

My TBI was classified as moderate to severe; upon admission to hospital my GCS was 11. I had a fractured skull with epidural hematoma with midline shift and subarachnoid hemorrhage, which required craniotomy surgery. My post traumatic amnesia was around 5 weeks; total hospital stay was two months.

How it felt changed over time. As I first emerged from the amnesia and general fog, I just kind of wondered around the hospital in my wheelchair trying to figure out where I was and why. I had physical, occupational and speech therapy each day. I didn’t like speech therapy because the therapist would ask difficult questions (like what year it was) that I couldn’t answer. This was frustrating, so I started memorizing the date written on the white board in my room so I could give the therapist the correct date when she asked.

Frustration continued as I started to realize I wasn’t as “smart” as I used to be. As cognitive functions improved my frustration decreased. Then fear set in, as in “what if I can’t go back to work and do the things I used to do?” After continued progress, at the five month mark a neuropsychological evaluation indicated normal cognitive functioning and I was released to return to work. The feelings here were relief and gratitude.

Regarding your friend, I’ll just say all brain injuries are different and the recovery path is different. So “is he mostly recovered after 3 ½ years” isn’t an easy question to answer. The conventional thinking used to be that recovery mostly occurs within the first year or so. There is now evidence that healing can continue long after that. Continued recovery can consist of the remapping of neuro pathways, or it can be that we make adjustments to compensate for functions that used to be controlled by the injured areas of the brain.

If he is attracted to someone and they to him, I don’t see any reason not to pursue the relationship. Only he can answer the question if he is ready for the emotions involved in building a relationship, and she needs to consider how much care he may need, and her readiness for that role.

Sorry for the long post, but I wanted to frame my experience of feelings around recovery through the description of the accident and my recovery process.

Best to you both.