I just noticed the number of "views" for your post here. Quite a few more than the average. I think that is a sign of how many of us who may not be suicidal have still thought of the time when we might be at that point if things keep getting worse.

Thank you for in spite of your pain taking the time and trouble to post. I think there is a high probability that you have helped someone else knowing at the very least they aren't alone.

I would like to echo what others have said, you MUST take care of yourself. Given the limited energy you must have with all the pain, please try to prioritize and try to get the best care you can. That is all we can do. Sometimes that is so tedious and difficult, adding more stress to our already very stressed-out lives but keep the big picture in mind, you MUST keep trying the best you can to take care of yourself by finding responsible medical personnel. Sometimes that search can be frustrating.

But please reach-out wherever you can. Don't give up. Thanks for reaching out here and let us know if there is anything we can do.