I know things arn't easy for you. I know belief can be impossible when you are in pain. thats OK. Nobody here will try to get you to believe in something you don't.
I listened to Steven Hawkins last night. He told about how perfect the universe is. I go from a view point of science. Even the smartest man in the world cannot rule out a divine creator. He goes back and forth believe me. He is the one who has lou gerics disease. Can't move at all, only his eyes. His brain is free however. You are right about one thing, if there is a God as the scientist are questioning, he does NOT want us to suffer and be miserable. That would be a cruel God indeed. Not the one I believe in for sure.
I just hope that things get better for you. I hope your doctors will provide more relief for you. I care feather bullet, and I know you are not happy with your current therapies. Can you get another doctor to help you? ginnie